When Your Inner Critic Says, “Who Do You Think You Are?” 

“Who do you think you are?” That little negative voice can stop so many wonderful things.

It usually shows up right when something fun or exciting comes to mind and you think, “Oh! That would be COOL!”

It’s the inner critic who rejects the cool things because of past disappointment, societal ‘norms’, and external feedback from people who live in their own version of fear. This critic helps to protect you from stepping out of the box that has kept you safe for so long…but this is also the box that makes you feel trapped in life.

We all have some sense of ‘propriety’, what’s acceptable in our community, environment, and society. But sometimes we have thoughts and yearnings that push beyond that space…dreams of something bigger and better…something more aligned to who we are, not what we’ve become within the box.

As humans, we thrive when in community. Our standing within a community gives us purpose and meaning. When we start to deviate from the community ‘norm’, there is usually backlash and discomfort.

However, when that community no longer aligns with who we are, or want to be, we struggle. We try to talk ourselves out of it. We tell ourselves that we’re just not grateful enough.

But what if the voice that says, “That’s cool!” is really the light guiding us to our most aligned life? What if it’s the divine spark showing us the path to our own BIG Dream?

When Your Inner Critic Meets Curiosity 

It starts with curiosity. A little research never hurt anyone. What would it look like to know more about that thing? What does THAT community look like?

Just researching things doesn’t mean you’re doing anything about it. But it’s kind of funny what happens…doors open, perspectives shift, you learn things (good and bad), and you are able to make better decisions.

That little negative voice has more information, more evidence that the cool thing could be done. You have evidence to counteract the fear. You get to say, “Who am I to do this? The person with the idea! And look…it CAN happen!”

Even if you don’t get the “It CAN happen” at first, you’re allowed to follow your curiosity. You don’t have to prove a dream is possible before you’re allowed to be curious about it. When you’re at the end, it may not look anything like what you imagined at first, and that’s OK.

If that little negative voice comes up with more comments, take a step back to find where the fear is coming from. Is it 5-year-old you? Is it 15-year-old you? Maybe it’s last month you. What is that part of you trying to protect you from?

Perhaps it’s saying, “You’re too old.” “You don’t have enough money.” “You’re not qualified.” You’re allowed to wonder where that came from. Parents? Teachers? Society? An experience that didn't go so well?

Is that thing it’s protecting you from still real today? Is the environment still the same? Is that person who hurt you before still here?

Or have you built a life where you’ve ensured a little bit of safety?

Listen for What Your Inner Critic Is Really Saying 

If it’s still there, listen for the information, not the insult. Perhaps there are nuggets that are true.

Money may be an issue right now. That’s legit. It doesn’t mean you can’t find free or inexpensive ways to explore the idea.

Age may be a thing. You aren’t as young as you used to be. BUT, that doesn’t preclude you from enjoying whatever it is however you can.

Time might be tight. You’re busy…AND podcasts exist for a reason.

Just because it’s a legitimate concern, doesn’t mean you can’t. It’s not a statement about who you are, it’s just about the situation.

If what you’re being protected from is a significant time and space away, maybe it’s time to revisit the experience and give yourself some compassion for having gone through whatever it was and surviving. You are in a different time and environment now. You have options you didn’t have then.

I have spent years navigating my old stories and realizing that the people and situations that created the protective negative voice within are either no longer in my life, or are so far on the periphery that they cannot inflict the damage anymore.

I have thanked that negative voice for being the red flag when something shows up and have learned to take it as advisement, not as fact.

Your Inner Critic Doesn't Get to Drive 

The inner critic does not need to drive the bus. By learning to include the information and concerns while keeping the wheel firmly in your grounded self’s hands, that voice will begin to quiet down a bit and become more helpful than harmful.

One way I’ve done this is to write down all the ugly things my critic says to me. I can then step away for a moment, get grounded, and come back to it. Is there any truth to the words? How would I respond if my children, family, or friends were being spoken to like that? What would I say to them? What comfort and advice would I give?

Write down your answers so you can see them for yourself. This written proof gives you the opportunity to step back and gift yourself a different level of compassion and acceptance. It’s not just stuck in your head, you can refer back to it when that little negative voice tries to grab the wheel again.

Give that to yourself. You deserve it. You have grown, gained experience, made it through hard things. You can go for this BIG Dream micro-baby step by micro-baby step.

The next time something lights you up and you hear yourself think, “Oh! That would be COOL!”…notice what happens next. If your inner critic immediately jumps in with, “Who do you think you are?”, you don’t have to fight it, believe it, or prove it wrong. Listen for the useful information, give yourself the same compassion you would give someone you love, and remember that you’re allowed to be curious about who you are NOW.

If you’ve spent so much time being who everyone else needed you to be that you’re not quite sure who that woman is anymore, download my free Identity Reset. It will help you begin separating who you’ve become from who you are now, so you can start exploring what YOU actually want next.

Because maybe the answer to “Who do you think you are?” isn’t something you’re supposed to already know.

Maybe you get to find out.