Celebrate Small Wins When Breaking Old Patterns
There are some old patterns which are stuck in our bodies that come from a place of heightened safety. These patterns can show up at the most inexplicable times and can really gum up the works. And chances are we don’t even know it’s happening until someone points it out.
I have recently gone through something like this and it was hard to really take a look at how the pattern was running. They’re sneaky little buggers. 😛
Luckily, I have folks around me who love and support me and are able to bring these things to my attention without it feeling like an attack. This allows for time and space to navigate all the feelings and get grounded in reality.
You can usually spot these patterns by the all or nothing nature of them.
In my situation, we’re clearing out spaces that have gotten overrun and the story pattern that was running in my head is that MY space is where everything gets dumped and cluttered. And whilst I’ve agreed to the things being in MY space, all I remember is a reluctant “that’s fine” when giving said permission. And that reluctance is viewed within me as a, “I can’t say no” so it just all gets dumped.
It’s the little voice that says, “S/He always does this. I never get that. I’m not being thought of.” Those absolutes are a clue.
Old Patterns Often Hide in Plain Sight
We’ve gotten to a point in our family where we can call a meeting and have difficult conversations. Where we speak about feelings without blame and find the truth of a situation. Inevitably my husband ends up saying, “I don’t know who the a--hole is that you married, but it’s not me.”
It’s when this shows up that I know some old tapes are playing…because my husband ISN’T that a--hole. I know him to be a kind and thoughtful person who is truly looking out for me…the a--hole is in my head and from my past. An old familiar demon/friend who kept me safe in an unsafe environment. The one that kept me small, unseen, and safe enough to survive to adulthood.
In essence, I gaslight myself into believing a story from my youth. The reason I can say this is that my children, who are fierce protectors of me, give me the perspective of an ‘outsider’ looking in. If they were to see any kind of abuse, they’d be all over it!
If you are experiencing any mental, emotional, or physical abuse, PLEASE call or text 988 for immediate help and check out the Office on Women’s Health for more information.
Celebrate Small Wins Instead of Waiting for Perfect
Each time we reach this moment there’s an opportunity for growth. A deeper understanding of previous trauma and how to go about healing it. And each moment there is an opportunity for celebration. You caught it earlier than before. You only spent one day in the dumps instead of a week. You had a productive conversation and deeper understanding occurred. You made a deeper connection with yourself and those around you.
Celebrating these little wins helps you to move forward and remember the progress. You did something hard. It takes you out of the blame game and into progress and solutions.
The truth is that most lasting change doesn't happen in one dramatic moment. It happens in the quiet decisions, the difficult conversations, the moments when you catch an old pattern a little sooner than you did before. Those small victories matter because they are evidence that you are growing.
If you'd like help identifying what you truly want next and reconnecting with the dreams that may have been buried beneath old stories and responsibilities, download my BIG Dream Visualization. This guided experience will help you quiet the noise, reconnect with yourself, and begin imagining what might be possible when you stop living from old patterns and start moving toward your future with intention.