Staying True to Yourself During Holiday Gatherings
Staying true to yourself during the holidays can be hard. Many people feel pressure to meet societal or familial expectations. The gift-wrapping competitions, the one-up-manship of gift giving, or even the traditional familial roles (i.e., the quiet one, the successful one, the one that f’s everything up, etc.).
Navigating Family Expectations While Staying True to Yourself
When going for your BIG Dream, you can bump up against what others historically think of you, especially at family gatherings. You mention one little thing that you’re going for and all the comments come your way. 🤦
“Oh, you think you’re going to <insert action>, but do you remember that time when…Yeah, that didn’t work out so well. HAHAH!”
The thing is, you’ve made some efforts before. And maybe they didn’t work out so well. But it is said that “The past is not a predictor of the future.”
The past is just a representation of the experiments you have done. You’ve learned from them, and that’s a good thing!
Tony Robbins says, “The past does not equal the future unless you live there.”
This means that, if you keep ruminating on what happened before you’ll stay there. And that’s what family does a lot of the time. They stay in what happened and can’t see you doing anything differently.
Why It’s Hard for Others to See You Changing
Remember, when you start to shift your life, you are inevitably shifting the lives of those who surround you. When you are acting differently, those around you must shift their behaviors, and that can be uncomfortable. So, they say and do things to create the well-worn path to your previous behavior.
When you can no longer react to the triggers, their behavior will shift into something new. But you will have to go through the Shift-Storm™ of trying to stay the old course before that happens.
Just remember that you went through this process yourself when making the decision to go for your BIG Dreams. It took you some time to shift your perspective and become kind to yourself.
Or maybe you’re still going through this process and their comments and behavior is rocking your boat a little.
It is key to remember why you’ve chosen this BIG Dream, this path, this adventure. Yes, it’s a wild and crazy idea…the best ones are! And it’s YOUR idea, YOUR path, YOUR adventure! The people around you don’t necessarily see your vision. And if they try it on for themselves, it’s not a good fit and they will tell you so!
They will bring up all the obstacles they see and remind you of the pitfalls you’ve had before. They are just trying to protect themselves and you, because they love you deep down. They are trying to keep you safe in the little box they have for you.
If it gets too much during the holidays, change the subject. Ask them about what they’re up to, what’s happening in their life? People love to talk about themselves and if you can, turn the conversation to them.
Or ask about something else. One of my mentors, Denise Duffield-Thomas, calls this “Bean Dipping”. Someone asks you about your new adventure and you say, “It’s going well, could you pass the bean dip?” or “It’s good, how do you like the bean dip?”
Give a short, perfunctory answer and turn the conversation.
Turn Criticism into Insights to Stay True to Yourself
Who knows? You might even go into the holidays with the attitude of the research professor. “What can my family tell me about possible future obstacles and how can I prepare for them?”
If you do this, sit back and objectively review the comments and criticisms you heard. USE THIS INFORMATION! It will help you along the way!
These items can be very valuable insights into how you can navigate future obstacles.
Take some time to sift through the sh-tuff. Some (if not most) will just be crap…the fertilizer for your garden. But there might be some nuggets of wisdom buried deep that will help you navigate.
To help you with this review, I’ve created the Navigating Shift-Storms™ journal. It’s a short fillable PDF with insightful prompts where you can jot down your thoughts and move from feeling put down and trampled on to inspired, confident, and grateful for the insights. This is my holiday gift to you. Just click HERE to download this free journal.