Navigating Holiday Gatherings

Holidays can bring joy, but they also stir up unresolved family tensions. There are a lot of entrenched ways of being that can be hard to navigate on a normal day. And when you’re going for your BIG Dream, it can really stir up the sh-tuff. 🌪️

The Tensions of Family History

There is a lot of history within a family. History of accomplishments and failures, expectations and disappointments, and what people think and say about you and your abilities in life.

There are also a lot of beliefs about what the family is capable of doing. You may have heard things like, “No one in this family ever goes to college.” or, “We (insert culture/gender) can’t/don’t do (insert action).”

You may have felt the tug to go for your BIG Dream throughout your lifetime but felt compelled to “stay within the lane” because of those around you. Always hearing “that’s crazy”, “ha, good luck”, or being told “it’ll never work” when you express what you truly want to do. It can be deflating and having people you love and admire say these things can drag you down to that belief.

As you are moving towards your BIG Dream you are shifting the world around you. This means that the worlds you touch, the people who interact with you, have to shift as well. They can no longer act the same way or do the same things because YOU are different.

Shifts That Spark Resistance

As you shift, those around you may not like how it shifts their world and so tension about these changes will arise. There could also be a bit of fear. If YOU change, how do THEY now move in the world?

Some people like to hold the space of the controller, and when you move out of their control, they don’t know what to do. Some folks may see you as their protector and when you are no longer available to meet their needs they act out. There are so many scenarios that could play out.

When this happens, take a moment to reflect on how you are shifting to achieve your goals and see how it’s shifting the world of those around you.

You are beginning to debunk a lot of the myths and beliefs of your family history. You are stepping out of the lane they have come to expect from you, and they are not so sure how to act. So, they get bigger and louder in their chosen role trying to get you back into your lane.

This is your opportunity to accept that they are only trying to save you from their fears and beliefs. You don’t need to do anything to explain or defend yourself. You might even take a moment to explore the story. Where did it come from? How did it start? Who was the first person in your family that had that experience and has passed down this “protection”?

Perhaps it was absolutely real at that time. There are plenty of cultures in the world that have very real persecution in their past. This does not mean that you have to play by these rules. It is your opportunity to rise above the past and create a new!

You have the opportunity to change the story for your family and culture for the better. Simply by following your BIG Dream, you are creating a Shift-Storm™ for you and your family to grow stronger and dream bigger. This is a GOOD THING! Being able to clear out what no longer works leaves room for the new possibilities, not just for you but for everyone around you.

Acknowledging and Releasing Old Beliefs

By looking for and acknowledging the reasons for the behaviors that show up you can thank them for protecting you and your family for all these years. Be grateful that these ways of being allowed your family to survive until now. And then remind yourself that you are no longer in the space where these behaviors and beliefs are protective, they have become destructive.

You are now in a position to move forward. You have the experience of the past and knowledge of how to deal with whatever comes your way. You are ready to spread your wings and FLY!

And when people want to start in on the old behaviors, quickly change the subject. Ask them, “How’s your turkey?”, “Would you please pass the mashed potatoes?”, or better yet “How is YOUR life today?” People love talking about themselves. Let them.

They don’t see your vision and don’t understand your drive. That’s ok. It’s yours. Keep it close and only share it with those who will understand, encourage, and support you. If you need a group, come join The Dream Life Adventure! It's a free Facebook group. 🥰

We love to hear about your BIG Dreams and will support you through all the ups and downs of the journey!

And remember, Keep your eyes on the horizon, your hands on the wheel, and your foot on the GAS!!!

Let’s DO THIS!