Finding Yourself Again After Life Changes
There’s a disorientation that can happen when there has been a major life shift. One’s identity can become blurred and uncertain.
You were once the mom…but now the kids have grown and gone.
You were the wife…but now the spouse has left or passed on.
You were the amazing employee…but now that’s complete.
You were the caregiver…but now they have moved on to their next great adventure.
You can be left with an emptiness and a lack of direction, uncertain of what to do and where to go next.
This is a time and space to grieve the loss of what was, get curious and explore, and step into something new. It’s important to go through all these steps to ensure that there’s nothing sticky emotionally that will trip you up later on.
Finding Yourself Again Begins with Letting Go
Grief is there so that you can acknowledge all the good things you did in that season of life. It’s there to show you what worked and what didn’t. It is the transition period between your old life and your new life. Cry for the things and situations that will never be again. Celebrate the moments that were amazing. Pat yourself on the back for the sacrifices you made for that life. Use the ‘not good’ as information as you move forward into this new identity.
All these memories are yours forever. Flip through them. Smile, laugh, cry, rage, scream, yell, feel all the emotions. Give them all the space and honor they deserve. Once that feels complete, it’s time to reach out and explore.
Rediscovering Yourself Through Curiosity and Play
This is a time to just experiment, to try new or old things, to see what sparks an interest. Don’t lay any expectations on yourself, just play. Dust off that old ambition from when you were 10 or 15 years old. Does it still fit? Is there a new dynamic of it? Or has it moved on?
Perhaps there’s something that you learned about later in life that caught your attention. Explore it! It doesn't matter your age or capability, you can always learn.
None of this has to be a permanent thing. Remember, you’re exploring…not committing. If something sucks you in, play with it! If something repulses you, leave it be! If you switch gears in the middle of something, LET yourself!
You are gathering information so that you can make a more concrete decision about what you want to do and who you want to be. You will know when you find THE THING. Until then, keep playing.
Finding Yourself Again Means Allowing Yourself to Become
When you do find THE THING, step into it. Allow yourself to become. Dive in and splash around in the water. Feel free to make all the mistakes, look like a fool, and grow into your new identity. This is what babies do … they explore, make mistakes, fall on their butts, get up and try again. Until one day, they’re a teenager, then an adult, then a wise woman.
Who knows where this journey will take you?
The beautiful thing about this is that there isn't a right or wrong way to move through it. Some days you'll grieve what was. Some days you'll laugh as you rediscover a piece of yourself you thought had disappeared. Some days you'll simply be curious enough to try something new.
Trust the process.
Every little step, every experiment, every moment of curiosity is helping you remember who you've been all along.
If you'd like a quiet place to begin, I'd love to share my free BIG Dream Visualization with you. It's a gentle guided experience that creates space to step away from the expectations, responsibilities, and noise of everyday life so you can reconnect with yourself and listen for what your heart has been trying to tell you.
Wherever this journey leads, I hope you'll give yourself permission to keep exploring. You never know what wonderful part of yourself is waiting to be rediscovered.