Moving Through Fear: Discover How Capable You Really Are
Have you ever had a moment when there was something you needed to do, but it was SO SCARY? Maybe it was getting up in front of people, dealing with something new, or moving through a dangerous situation (mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually). But this thing absolutely needed to happen?
So, you stepped forward, with all that fear and anxiety, and did it messy, uncertain, and imperfectly…and somehow, you made it through alive. (Hopefully without too many battle scars.) You made it through, even if it didn’t all work out.
Maybe you thought, “I NEVER want to go through that again!” Or maybe you thought, “Wow, that wasn’t so bad after all.” OR, maybe you realized that you were building a little bit of capability and got a little more confident after it all.
Moving Through Fear When Everything Feels Unfamiliar
It makes me think of jumping into a Formula 4 race car at the age of 50. I had driven cars since I was 15. I even had a stint at driving 18-wheelers when I was 20. But the amount of power and squirreliness that is a Formula car was just intense.
Slick wheels, no power steering, tight shifting, squeezed into the cockpit, helmet on, sitting in the middle of the car instead of the left hand side…it was all different.
There were real moments of, “What the hell am I doing?”, “I’m moving SO SLOW!” (like 90 MPH down a ¼ mile strip is SLOW!
Even the smallest of mistakes would send you spinning off the track. And if you were going fast enough, there was REAL danger to your physical being if that happened.
I reminded myself that I was there to have a good time and that the only person I was racing was ME! I allowed the others to pass me by and did my best to keep my thoughts inside my own vehicle…what I could do better, where I could improve, what basics I could focus on that kept me moving.
Building Courage One Scary Step at a Time
Your scary moments probably looked a whole lot different than mine. Maybe there weren't any race cars involved, but that doesn't make what you faced any less significant. If you look back, you’ll see that you made it through. You took the steps, messy as they were. You did the things, uncertain as you were. You made the mistakes and cleaned them up.
I have a client who just started a new job after being a stay-at-home mom for years. She was unsure and really scared that she was going to mess things up. And her first couple of days ended in crying, telling herself just how bad she was, and on the verge of just not going back.
But she did keep going back, doing her best, learning the new skills, and by the end of the week, she was excited at the possibilities. Her creative juices were starting to flow again and she started talking about all the things that she could do and was looking forward to.
She didn’t suddenly become the be-all and end-all of her position by the end of the week. She just kept coming back to it and trying again and again until things became more clear, comfortable, and there was space to breathe a little.
Finding Resilience When Things Don't Go as Planned
Now, it doesn’t always end in a Rocky Balboa kind of way. Sometimes it results in disappointment and things not working out like we wanted it to. But you did make it through and learned some things.
It’s not about whether the result was fairy farts and unicorns, it’s about the fact that you DID the thing. You walked through it, learned, and faced whatever demons were there. You maybe even saw that what you were working for wasn’t really what you wanted, so you made the decision to stop. And that’s all good too.
So, look back on your last week, month, quarter, year, or life…when did you step forward into something scary and/or unknown and notice all the things that happened as you moved through it. Notice how capable you were. Notice the learning that took place. Notice your own personal resilience to make it through those tough, scary, wild, weird, rug pulled out from under you times.
And here's something to think about. The next time you're facing something scary, something that has you questioning whether you've got what it takes, remember those moments when you weren't sure you could do something, but you did it anyway. You've already got a whole collection of experiences that show just how capable and resilient you really are. Sometimes we just need a little reminder!
If you'd like a place to keep track of those moments, I've got an Accomplishment Record Template you can use. Because when that pesky self-doubt comes knocking, it's nice to have a little evidence to remind yourself of what you've already navigated, learned, and accomplished.